Lou Cankerelli

Lou Cankerelli is the proprietor of Lou's Barnaclorium, briefly known as the "Bar". (Lou prefers to call it the "Limpetarium," largely for the alliterative value, but he's the only one who calls it that, to his mild annoyance.) While he does serve drinks there, the main attraction are the eponymous barnacles, or limpets, small shelly creatures that can be stuck onto people's skin and secrete substances into their bloodstreams with pleasantly intoxicating properties. (Barnacles and limpets are, of course, two very different animals, but the things in Lou's establishment aren't really either, so both names are equally appropriate, or inappropriate.)

While Lou himself is permanently affixed to the ceiling of his establishment, he has the ability to create temporary "portals" of various sizes between different locations, and frequently creates small portals he can extend his limbs through to get to areas otherwise beyond his reach. In fact, the doors into the Bar are technically such portals, the Bar itself being in a location quite distant from that of just outside each door. Lou is rumored to run a side business maintaining portals through his back doors to even more distant locations without Pretorius Technologies' blessing.